ACR’s Man Cave: The Ultimate Grand Final Party Guide

It’s September in Melbourne, which means it’s footy finals time. If that doesn’t get you excited, we’re not sure what will—you either moved here from one of those northern states where they love that boring version of footy, or you’re just downright strange!

In a perfect world we’d all have tickets to the ‘G to see the spectacle. Unfortunately, the AFL has become a big business and there are more tickets available to overseas businessmen and sportstars than the average football-loving punter so most of us have to resort to watching it on the telly.

Pubs are always too packed to actually enjoy the game so there’s nothing better than having a grand final party. The beers are cheaper, the food is more readily available and there’s always a spare seat somewhere.



If you’re going to host a grand final party you need to be aware of the responsibility you’ve taken on. This day is so important that we’ve even scored a public holiday in Victoria in it’s honour. So, here are a few tips to make sure you don’t anger the football gods on this most sacred of days:

  1. Keep a couple of slabs hidden away somewhere. Making the event BYO is perfectly acceptable but everyone has that mate that turns up with a six-pack of craft beer and spends the rest of the day knocking off your VBs. So, before the day starts make sure you have a secret stash hidden somewhere—you shouldn’t have to go dry because your mate will only drink hoppy pale ales.
  2. Don’t bother hosting unless you’ve got a big TV and a reliable connection. A 60-inch will do the job but if the signal cuts out halfway through the game, expect a backlash like no other.
  3. If someone at your party actually barracks for one of the teams playing, as the host, it is your job to make sure they get a good spot and get a son/daughter/niece/nephew to bring food and beers to them. If your team has ever made it to the main event, you’ll know the feeling, so be a good bloke and make sure they catch every moment.
  4. Get plenty of food. Remember, grand final day parties start at midday and have a tendency not to finish until about two in the morning. Have plenty of snags, hamburgers and fresh bread and salads. A couple of packs of party pies and sausage rolls are always good to have handy, as well as plenty of chips, snacks and nibbles.
  5. While we’re on the topic of food, the game will be finished at about 5pm. By this time people will be well on their way and with nothing to watch they’re going to start drinking at quite a pace. This is a good time to fire up the barbie again to make sure they’ve got something to line their stomachs with.
  6. By midnight the crowd will have thinned out a bit. The hard drinkers will have really settled in. Make sure that none of your guests even think about driving home. Confiscate their keys, and call an uber.
  7. The cleanup: The best way to tackle this is to wheel the recyclable bin into the house and basically follow the bottles.

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